Happy Father’s Day
It will be a quiet one for my family. None of our most important dads are with us. My father-in-law is spending the summer remotely, doing what he does best: fishing. My brother is at work and my husband, a commercial fisherman, is always gone for Father’s day.
The most notable absence though, is my dad. The others will be back. We can celebrate with them another time. My dad, the man I almost always spend this day with, passed away in November.
Normally we’d get together, I’d grill chicken smothered in bbq sauce — dad’s favorite — and bake a pie. My pies received mixed reviews. The man had discerning taste and he wasn’t afraid to let you know when something was subpar.
There won’t be much Father’s Day fanfare this year. It’s a “first” which are always the hardest. Getting through the first Father’s Day — like the first Thanksgiving, Christmas or Birthday — without my dad, requires a little extra grace.
I once read that the souls of our departed loved ones can’t fully move on until we do. That stuck with me. It makes sense as an incentive to let my heart to heal.
Grief can be seductive. It feels like the last tangible piece of my dad. As long as I’m soaking in his loss, I don’t have to fully let him go.
I’m at the point now where I might go a day without thinking about him, but when he does cross my mind? It hits me hard. It overwhelms me. Clouding my vision with tears while I’m driving or making me double over the shopping cart I’m pushing.
It’s seductive because giving in to the grief feels like pulling him close. It’s a bittersweet embrace, but the pain is better than the alternative. Accepting — in my heart — that he’s really and truly gone.
But I do have to let go. I have to move on and face a world without him in it.
Before he died, my dad told me that he was always impressed by how brave my brother and I were when we were little. When he would have to go and leave us behind. He knew we wanted him to stay but we would try so hard to be brave.
Now is the time to call on that courage. One last time.
Opening My Own Pickle Jars
I learned a few things from growing up with a single mom who’s mantra was “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle”
Lessons that were solidified when I married a fisherman.
If there’s anything that being a fisherman’s wife has taught me, it’s that I can get along just fine without a man when I have to. I am more than capable of picking up the slack.
Do I like it when my husband is a thousand miles away and everything goes to hell in a hand basket? No I do not. Can I handle it? You bet your ass I can.
While I wish with every fiber of my being that my dad could’ve stuck around a little longer, that’s not the way it panned out.
So, I’ll gather up all that courage he reminded me I have and apply it with the same “can do” attitude as I do to everything else in my life. Only this time, I’m learning to live without my dad.
When the going gets tough, the tough get going right?
Last winter — as soon as my husband left for work — we got two feet of fresh snow and our plow truck broke down.
I’ll be honest, I wallowed in self pity for a few hours before I grabbed the shovel. I did, eventually, grab the shovel though. It took me a couple of days, but I got our huge driveway shoveled.
This damsel has snaked septic systems, thawed frozen pipes, broken up dog fights and dealt handily with a multitude of other catastrophes over the years. Each one adding to the belief that I can face whatever comes my way.
The loss of my father is no different. It hurts and it’s hard but I will survive and I will thrive on the other side of it.
It just might take while. That’s okay too. I said I could do it. I didn’t say I could do it quickly.
If you’re listening dad, I’m okay. You can go. Rest in peace. I’ll see you on the other side.
Okay…that’s enough of that. Let’s brighten things up a bit with this week’s “What’s Good” Round up…..
Before my husband headed off to work, my son and I made sure to celebrate him early. He is the #1 Dad after all!
Klaar Knives
We kicked things off with a gift from Klaar Knives.
Klaar Knives are sold primarily at High Tide Arts in Homer, Alaska, but my husband and I came across them at the Wednesday Market in Soldotna, Alaska.
My husband loves knives and he stopped to check out every knife booth at the market. When we got to Klaar Knives, my husband struck up a conversation with Jens Klaar, the knife maker and co-owner of High Tide Arts. Leslie Klaar, another talented artist, owns it with him.
Jens told us all about the knives and how he makes them with antlers/horns from different types of animals. We especially liked one made with sheep’s horn. It even came with a custom leather sheath.
My husband must have stood there and drooled over those knives for twenty minutes. In the end, he decided to wait on purchasing one. So, we wandered off in search of food.
A little later, when hubs made the long trek to the bathrooms, I snuck back over to buy the sheep’s horn knife. Leslie and Jens were immediately complicit in my scheme and hurriedly rang me up, sending me on my way with well wishes and conspiratorial smiles.
My husband was so excited when I presented it to him later that day. He says it’s his new “hunting knife”.
If you ever get a chance to visit Homer, do not miss High Tide Arts! The Klaars also do markets throughout the state, so keep an eye out for them. They’re craftsmanship is incredible and they are so kind and interesting to talk to.
In the meantime, here is a little video I found on youtube about Jens and his knives
AJ’s Steakhouse
We didn't stop with the knife. A man’s got to have something thick and juicy to cut into!
I made a reservation at my husband’s favorite steakhouse and we dined in style.
Alas, he did not break out the Klaar knife to cut his steak. It’s a swanky establishment. They may have frowned on pocket knives at the dinner table.
We did have an incredible meal. AJ’s never disappoints. We ate every course and practically rolled out the door.
The desserts were exceptionally divine. Passion Fruit Creme Brûlée — served in a mason jar for an Alaskan touch — and the creamiest cheesecake with strawberry topping.
Bonus : Don’t miss the house potato chips with blue cheese fondue. I ate half of the appetizer before I remembered to take a picture. So, no picture. But, I can assure you, they were amazing.
The only Chocolate Cake Recipe You Will Ever Need
If you can’t make it to Homer, Alaska for Father’s Day, consider baking a cake for the dads in your life. My dad favored German Chocolate Cake with that famously gooey, coconut pecan frosting. My mom made one for him every year on his birthday when I was a kid.
Looking back, that was very kind considering they weren’t married anymore! A woman may not need a man, and a fish may not need a bicycle, but a man needs a German Chocolate Cake on his birthday.
Now, you would probably think that I’m about to share a German Chocolate Cake recipe with you. I am not. If you must have German Chocolate….slap some coconut pecan topping on the cake I’m about to share. No one will know.
This recipe is for a classic chocolate cake with chocolate frosting. It’s my favorite chocolate cake recipe. Once I discovered this showstopper, I’ve never been tempted to try another.
Believe it or not, it’s the cake recipe from Daisy Brand Sour Cream.
I have a theory about the recipes brands give out. They are the best because if you are going to advertise them with your product, they better be amazing. Plus, these companies have plenty of dough to shell out for recipe testing.
Get it? Dough? Oh come on. It’s Father’s Day. You know I had to slip a dad joke in somewhere.
So anyway, of course Brands will choose only the toppest of notches when it comes to recipes.
Don’t believe me?
Just give the Quaker Oats recipe for Vanishing Oatmeal Raisin Cookies . I’ve never found a better oatmeal raison cookie recipe.
Still don’t believe me?
Bake up a batch of these gems : DoubleTree Chocolate Chip Cookie Official Recipe . This recipe ended my (years long) quest to find the perfect chocolate chip cookie recipe. It’s the only one I use now.
But I digress….
Here is the cake recipe : Daisy Brand Sour Cream Chocolate Cake Recipe
If you bake one, let me know how it goes!
That’s all For now
I hope that you have a lovely day, no matter who you spend it with. If you’re lucky enough to spend it with your dad, hug him tight and tell him how much you love him.
See you next Sunday.
Beautiful essay for your dad. I do believe our passed loved ones visit us. Hope you feel his presence today.
Love the homemade knives.
My heart goes out to you, Jenn. My dad died in 2006 and I still tear up from time to time when I think about it. I wrote about the artist/musician Nick Cave in my latest Substack and he has written extensively on grief in his advice/column newsletter, The Red Hand Files. Someone had written to him about missing their dad, and Nick wrote the most beautiful reply that I'll share here in honor of our dads: "We each have our reserves of sorrow that rise to the surface, provoked by one little thing or another, to remind us we are human and that we love and that we are a part of the great human story that flows along the ancient waterways of our collected and historical griefs. This breaking down is not something from which we need to be saved or cured, but rather it is the toss and tumble of life, and the occasional losing of oneself to the sadness of things is an honouring of life itself. It signal not just your implicit existential participation, but that you just really loved your dad, and it’s sad he’s not around, and that, my friend, is not a feeling from which you need to be healed. In fact, quite the opposite; all of us, as contributors to the human enterprise, reserve the right indefinitely to capsize on occasion, in the name of those we loved and lost."