My family celebrated Mother’s day a week early this year. My brother will be at work, and I’ll be traveling to visit my in laws, on the actual Holiday. So, we decided to gather at the family hub — my mom’s house — for a cookout.
It was a good day. We all contributed in our own ways.
My husband pruned my mom’s wildly overgrown lilac bush….with his chainsaw. The bush — more like tree — dominated one exterior wall of the house and blocked the view from the dining room window. Now that it’s subdued, mealtimes can be bathed in sunlight. Although, my mom promptly pulled the shades when we sat down to dinner. Old habits die hard.
My brother grilled burgers and put together a new porch swing he purchased for the occasion. The grandkids all but destroyed the old one. You try telling children that a swing is not a toy.
My sister in law assembled a new barstool to replace the one that broke recently. The grandkids may or may not have had a hand in that too.
The teens helped out with yard work and commandeered the retired porch swing for their hangout spot in the backyard.
My six year old niece stayed busy with sidewalk chalk and taking the dachshunds for a spin in their new puppy stroller. Wildly entertaining for all of us, mildly annoying for the dogs.
The baby — currently in the midst of a nap strike — held court, alternating between grace and grumpiness, as a true princess should.
Me? I’m recording it for posterity and I supervised all of the above activities.
Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
Later, after everyone was home, my mom sent a group text thanking us all for the visit.
“Any day that everyone is here is Mother’s Day for me!”
The most grandmotherly of sentiments.
I can see into a future when my son is grown & flown and every moment spent with him feels like a gift. When he’s got his own life and his visits are rare. When I have time and space to miss him.
Now? He’s a constant presence. Everyday does not feel like Mothers Day. At least not “Mothers Day” from the Cards and Commercials.
My son is a full blown teenager and living with a teenager is a mixed bag of angst and sweetness all jumbled up together.
Each morning I wake up and reach into that bag, unsure what to expect. An excited teen with a full agenda, chomping at the bit to get out the door and into the world? Or, a grumpy teen who won’t wake up. One who needs an expert balance of coaxing and threatening to even consider budging from his warm bed.
To be fair, it’s a two sided coin.
He’ll appreciate me more when i’m fussing over him and enjoying his mere existence, shoving freshly cooked whatever at him because I’m just so darn happy he came to visit.
For now, my role in his life is more like a cattle driver, prodding him in the direction of adulthood.
Enormous Toddlers
The thing about teenagers, is that they’re basically overgrown toddlers.
The first few years of parenthood are tough. They are full of exciting firsts and blissful moments, but they are a lot of work.
Babies are needy. Life is filled with diaper changes, midnight feedings, and snuggles. Much effort is spent attempting to a) figure out why the baby is crying and b) convince the baby stop crying.
Toddlers dominate your household. They engage you in an epic battle for control. They are hilarious and headstrong. You must be hyper vigilant to avoid disaster and destruction.
Then come the honeymoon years when your child is between the ages of 4/5 and 10/11. These years are like gentle, evening sunlight washing over you. You survived the heat of the day and now you get to bask in the the golden warmth of contentment. Like sitting on grandma’s back porch, after a day well spent, with a big piece of fresh baked pie.
It’s the calm before the storm and it’s fleeting. Soon the sun will set on all that wholesome simplicity and your child will again morph into a new phase of life.
But not a new creature entirely.
There’s a familiarity to adolescence, when we circle back to the constant demand for snacks, inability to regulate emotions and tantrums. Every situation is a matter of life or death. Like three year olds, but they’re bigger now and they know things. They are harder to defeat and nearly impossible to outsmart. Yet somehow, also mind bogglingly dumb when it comes to making good choices.
Oh yeah, and they stink.
Mother’s Day is for the Matriarchs
So no. Every day does not feel like Mothers Day. Mother’s Day barely even feels like Mothers Day.
Sure, there will be flowers and breakfast in bed and the classic “your wish is our command” from our families. Maybe we’ll even get a few of those handmade coupons we never cash in.
But the tears still need to be tended to. Babies need to be nursed. Stuff will need to be found — hiding in plain site and invisible to everyone but mom. Everyone still needs that motherly support….and snacks. So many snacks.
These tasks don’t stop for a random Sunday in May.
Mom’s still on the clock.
And that’s okay, because really, when it all comes down to It, Mother’s Day is for the Matriarchs, at least in my family. As long as I still have a mom, a mother-in-law and a grandma to celebrate, the day is about them.
Too soon, my child rearing days will come to an end and, unless she pulls off a medical miracle — i’m still holding out hope — my mom won’t be around forever.
My home, god willing, will become the hub and i’ll live for the days when my child pulls up with his own family in tow. I’ll finally understand my mom’s bittersweet sentiment.
Those days will probably feel a lot like Mother’s Day.
Round Two
For now, my husband, my son and I will load up and drive two hours to visit my mother-in-law on Mother’s Day. A tradition I cherish and an opportunity to also spend time with my husband’s siblings, their spouses and all of my nieces and nephews, whom I adore and don’t get to see often enough.
My brother-in-law will grill burgers. My husband and his brothers will do their best to shoo their mom out of the kitchen and take care of the dishes. The grandkids will play.
It will will be a day of togetherness and fun. It will also be a typical day of motherhood and I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Happy Mother’s Day!
Happy Mother’s Day, Jenn! I love those doggies in the stroller!! 😍
Well said!! They stink 🤣🤣🤣 can we say riding boots??!!